Sunday, April 19, 2009
Attainable Goal: Shave my legs.
Greivance: Boy Love is constipated.
Celebration: I made a breakfast that consisted of more than cereal or toast.
In my blog posts, I will probably always begin with the Daily Specs. They include the following:
-My goal of the day. Always something completely attainable. Hopefully as the days go on, my goals will become more complicated.
-My greivance of the day. Reminiscent of Daily Low Point.
-My celebration of the day. Something to make me have greater confidence in my abilities as a mother.
As Baby Love sits cradled in my left arm, I tiptoe through the darkness of my Master Bedroom to the changing table. I don't want to wake up Big Love from the little bit of sleep that he gets, and I don't want to draw the kind of attention that will pry Boy Love's eyes from Handy Manny. I make it to the table with nary a sound from myself or the baby, and I begin to unwrap him from his cozy little swaddle. Unfortunately, babies dislike having their diapers change as a rule, and as soon as the morning air hits his little toes, Baby Love lets out a cry. A loaded sigh escapes my lips as Big Love turns over with a start and a muffled, "What's wrong..." and I hear the thundering pitter patter of toddler feet racing from the family room. The shrill "Mommy! Oh, no! Baby cry!" precedes Boy Love's Broadway entrance into the Master, and I know that all is about to go downhill. First comes the stampede across the carpet toward my unguarded legs. Next is the knee-buckling embrace that somehow ends up causing a minor boo-boo, and immediately needs a healing kiss. Then comes the "Hug! Hug Hug!" with wee little arms stretched upward. "Mommy is changing baby's pants right now, son. Wait just a moment then I'll be able to give you a hug." Next, the pregnant pause, followed by Boy Love's famous face-contortions and a piercing cry. Of course, the whole show is completely fake, but it is definately loud and dramatic, which has now permanently woken Big Love from his previously pleasant slumber. He does his best to console/love on/redirect attentions. However, now the phony tantrum is full blown, a virtual smorgasboard of emotion, including but not limited to crocodile tears, lying prostrate on the floor, stamping of feet, pounding of fists, and the ever-so-infrequent glance to see if he is getting the attention he is looking for. At this point, I have stopped trying to assure him that I will be able to hold him when I am finished, and I am not reacting whatsoever to his outburst. Not reacting on the outside, anyway.
In this first couple weeks of having Baby Love at home, sibling rivalry has been a big issue. I had expected as much for obvious reasons, not least of which is the intense clingy-ness (word?) of Boy Love. He has been exclusively Mommy's Little Boy for all of his young days, and when Big Love come into our lives, he had to transition to having another person share mom's affection. Now, with a newborn in the house, he has really been struggling. None of this is a surprise. It still does not tell me how to deal with it. I don't want Boy Love to feel as if he is being constantly criticized for his toddler-like behaviours, but I don't want to coddle him and give in to his every passing whim. Where is the line drawn? What does a mom do to show each child that they love them? I spend one-on-one time with both of my children individually. I love them both very much. How, then, do I show Boy Love that "I am especially fond of him" (to steal a line from The Shack)? I feel that he isn't getting that from me right now, no matter how hard I try. Thoughts? Ideas? Guidance?