Confessions of a Don't-Want-To-Shopaholic

Daily Specs:

Attainable Goal - Go through wardrobe and take an honest look at what I am able/willing to wear.
Grievance - 2.5 hours of sleep.
Celebration - This morning, with the amount of tasks I have accomplished, I can be categorized as a super-mom.

There are few things more depressing than watching your body fall to pieces during pregnancy. Just when you think you cannot grow any larger, your feet, ankles, and calves become one unsightly pillar of flabby flesh. When you think you have put enough Palmer's Cocoa Butter on your stomach and thighs to drown a small horse, your skin erupts in neon pink jagged stripes that you are just certain will never disappear. You have a small collection of clothing purchased at Motherhood Maternity that, at the beginning of your pregnancy, was really cute/modest/long enough to go past your giant butt. However, now your breasts are too large to be contained by any shirt made by man, your torpedo tummy has made the length of your shirt barely long enough to cover the stretchy panel of fabric on your jeans, and your aformentioned stretch-marked skin takes away any chance of letting anything look good, no matter how cute it is.

Now that pregnancy is over, I am thrilled to say that I am motivated to get back into shape, and back into clothing. This morning, for the first time, I saw myself in the mirror and was able to see myself getting smaller. This, of course, was a great encouragement to my self-esteem. So today, my attainable goal is to go through my winter and summer clothes and do a bit of "spring wardrobe cleaning". I am one of those people who buys something at Target, or Walmart, or some other equally mediocre store, and wears that article of clothing until it is littered with holes, splattered with paint, or washed to the point where it no longer has any elasticity or shape whatsoever. Many of my clothes I have had since high school, others since college, and almost all of them were purchased for under 10 dollars.

So it is now time to re-evaluate my wardrobe. I have taken all of the advice given by Stacy and Clinton on "What Not to Wear", and I have the best intentions to get a solid set of clothes. They must fit effortlessly, have shape and structure, have appropriate prints and colours, and most importantly, be age appropriate. I am too old to shop in the juniors section. I keep having to tell myself this. Unfortunately, so many juniors clothes are totally adorable! No...stop. I can't think such things. I must grow up. I can look pretty and like an adult. I can find clothes that make my body look good, no matter how much weight or how many curves I have gained as a woman who has been the bearer of multiple children. A couple of parameters:
-I must always be able to wear a bra and not have the straps show.
-I must have shirts that do not allow my breasts to fall out.
-I must have pants/shorts that adequately cover my giant thighs.
-I must wear shoes that don't make me look like a ragamuffin. Bye bye, old comfy sneakers...
-I must never have midriff/lovehandles/lower back showing, no matter which way I bend.
-I must understand that I am NOT the same dress and pant size I was in high school.

I am going to go shopping with all of these things in mind.

Then there is the issue of shopping with two boys under 3. I have NO idea how to accomplish this. Should I take Boy Love to the Y for a couple hours? Do I hire a sitter? Do I put Boy Love in stroller and Baby Love in baby bjorn? Any alternative suggestions that don't require paying additional money or carrying my children?