Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Necessity is the Mother of...

Daily Specs:

Attainable Goal: Only eat 2 chocolate cupcakes today.
Grievance: My clean house is once again cluttered. Does it never end?
Celebration: It is only 11 a.m. and we have already been out of the house and back!

Big Love sometimes calls upon me to help out his business by bringing him things during work hours. I love doing this. It makes me feel like I am a part of the paycheck he brings home. And it also makes me feel important and indispensable. I know that is just me flattering myself; I know that I am not the only one who can run errands for him. It is nice to feel needed, though. This morning I received such a call...Big Love left his very important cell phone at home. This never happens, due to the fact that his cell phone has almost permanently grown into his person. I consider it more like Big Love's built-in homing device (I'm quite sure all humans will have such built-in devices in the near future). So this particular mission was of dire importance. A task that required minimum preparation, and the swiftest of speed.

So, I left all bags/diapers/snacks at home, and only brought the bare minimum. Our respective cups of liquid sustenance (Boy - Apple Juice, Me - Black coffee, Baby - Nectar of Life), and the clothes on our backs. And the rogue cell phone. I figure, Hey, there is no traffic, we will drop it off and get back before my children lose their minds. This is all a great plan...in theory. In execution, not so much. As soon as we are seated and buckled, Boy Love has reached the end of his juice supply, Baby Love has had a sudden onset of hunger, and I (of course) have stashed his bottle in a place that is unreachable from the front seat. I then am attempting to sing familiar tunes to distract the eldest boy from his traumatic circumstances while I twist my right arm (much like the creepy little Cirque Du Soleil contortionists) to reach the tip of my finger into the mouth of screaming Baby. As I glanced in the rear view mirror, I see the woman in the vehicle behind me is chuckling in my direction. Whether or not she is chuckling at me is of no consequence, I still want to smack her.

I safely race down the road, two very unhappy children in the car, when I have brilliant plan. I shall make an invention. An invention that feeds an infant in a rear-facing car seat while I am driving. I am imagining something along the lines of a feeder they install on the side of rodent cages. A container of milk that hangs upside-down on the side of the car seat, and only releases milk when the recipient makes the effort to put their mouth on the nozzle and suck. Now, at the time, I think this is a brilliant plan, and spend the rest of my mid-morning outing devising ways to make such an invention work. Now that I am here, sitting at home, I realize that not only are there many large cracks in the foundation of my plan, but I have just compared my little baby to a rodent. I now kick myself for having such grotesque little thoughts, but applaud myself at my brilliance in discovering what the next baby invention should be. It will be the new hip thing to buy, like Diaper Pods and Wipe Warmers. I shall call it...hmmmm... Attainable Goal: I need clever names for my traveling-rodentish-baby feeding device.

Are there any other inventions that other Mothers have decided need to be made? Tell me what brilliant ideas have struck in the middle of the best/worst of times. We shall make a list! A list of things that need to be invented! First on list, my invention. "Meals on Wheels". No? Bad name? Yeah, it is pretty lame....

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